Commitment issues are my issues.

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If you told me when I wrote my last post that after an entire summer absolutely nothing has changed, I would of thought you were crazy, but here we are.

So I lived with him all summer and somehow made no progress. It was honestly amazing and also the worst.

We did really cute things like sit and talk on the roof looking at the stars and go swimming in the lake and stay up talking way later then we should. And our feelings definitely grew a lot stronger, or at least mine did. He says his did too, but I’m realizing more and more that sometimes he just says things.

There were also a lot of fights and way to dramatic encounters. The most standout one was when he actually kissed one of my friends which just really, really, hurt. I prided myself on never having cried over a guy, until then.

We had a lot of talks about our future and he constantly blames not wanting to be serious on our age difference. I’m now a sophmore and he’s a senior. Which to any college student would seem normal, but to him it’s very weird. I disregarded and avoided the serious talks hoping he would come around and either date me or break my heart.

But summer ended, and we didn’t.

Now it’s the first week of school. Last week we talked almost everyday and came to the conclusion that we think we love each other. He literally told me he would want to marry me. Which we both agreed is super shitty given the circumstances.

At first I looked to my faults and tried to find a reason why he wouldn’t like me enough to overcome these obstacles. I thought maybe if I was prettier or cooler or in a better sorority this wouldn’t be a problem. Typing that out it sounds ridiculous, but that’s exactly what I though. But he always reassured me that it was on him and it was his issues holding him back. And I finally realized it’s true.

I think all of his excuses are just a way for him to hide his commitment issues. And so the last time we talked I told him that and he said he can’t confirm or deny that it’s true. Which I think means it’s too accurate. Hits to close to home.

So I told him to figure it out and pretty much to call me when he’s ready with a decision. That was a week ago and i’ve heard nothing. I’ve seen him at parties and we’re cordial, but we haven’t talked seriously since then. It’s hard cause I want to give him space but I also just miss him.

I go out with my friends every night and have fun but at the end of the night he’s the one I want to be with and it sucks not being able to see him. At this point I don’t know if he will every decide, but I can’t move on because the hope that it will work out always clouds my judgement.

So I guess my question is: How do I move on if he never makes a decision? I mean it’s already been like eight months.

Imagine moving in with your crush.

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Been a while. I’ve got a lot of catching up with y’all to do.

Okay so over the last tenish weeks it’s been since I told that guy how I’ve felt there’s been a lot of ups and downs. He took me to his date party and I took him to my formal, but the thing is we don’t really hangout outside of parties. We take so many cute photos, and I have his sweatshirt, still the whole thing is still really hard for me to believe that it’s actually working out. Formal was one of my favorite nights of college. It sounds cheesy, but I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time, I just enjoy the time I spend with him so much.

Since formal, a couple weeks ago, we seen each other maybe a couple times but just on campus. The thing is we are actually living together this summer. Not just the two of or anything, I’m not insane. I’m just living in his frat. The sorority houses shut down over summer, and girls can apply to live in frats for super cheap. I have an internship near the college, so I decided to live in. Not because of him, but because I have a ton of friends in that house too. So I’m not really sure where things stand with us, I’m kind of waiting for summer to see what happens.

Stay tuned, because you have just about as good of an idea of how this will turn out as I do.

Here you come again, and here I go.

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Okay so things were going so great for a while man.

This guy that I liked actually liked me back for once. Super late at night I was walking to eat with some of my friends at this place near school. I ended up running into the guy on the side walk!!! He walked me home and we talked for hours and I pretty much told him that I liked him and he said he liked me too. For someone who is pessimistic about these things this was so crazy to have something work out the way I wanted.

Anyways there’s one problem he’s kinda older. Not too much older or anything major but this mundane fact seems to bother this guy very much. He always brings it up. He asked me to hangout this week and then he brought up the whole age thing all over again. I’m like dude don’t ask me to hangout and then be super weird about it. Anyways I messaged him back explaining to him why it isn’t weird and he didn’t respond! It’s been a couple days and I’m super confused. Like I really do like this guy and now I’ll just be super sad if it doesn’t work out. Like every time he’s interested I just can’t help but be into him too.

Moral of the story never get your hopes up folks.

The Way it Goes (or doesn’t go).

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I did homework for literally 14 hours today only breaking for food and the occasional conversation so sorry if I sound kinda wacky.

First things first I’m watching the bachelor and man I know famous relationships aren’t always real, but it sure does seem nice to be that in love.

Every time I see a happy couple I really wonder if that will ever be. I don’t see it. 

I ran into the guy from fall quarter today in the library. He threw a pencil at me it was actually pretty cute and I just really like talking to him. The way we joke around is so cool, he just gets me. 

I’ve been trying to move on but the problem is I really do still have feelings for him. He was the first guy I ever really liked. The first guy I ever really could see myself in a relationship with. 

The problem is we still talk like everyday. It’s super hard to get over someone when you still talk to them and see them at parties and stuff. Every time we talk it reminds me of how I feel, which kind of sucks. 

He actually said we should hangout. He said it pretty casually, but just the idea of it made me pretty stinkin happy. Even if things aren’t romantic again or whatever, I just hope we can be friends and hangout and not have it be weird.  

Spring break starts next week and I’d like to try and hopefully see him before then. It’s like 4 am right now, and all I can think about it the last time I stayed up this late. With him just talking for hours. I wish I could just text him to come over and just talk, but that just doesn’t make sense ya know.

This kind of stuff sucks.

I hope it goes the way I’d like and we get to hangout. But it probably wont even go at all.

Nothing’s changed but everything’s changed.

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Story time.

There was a guy I used to hangout with fall quarter. You know those people who are like constantly on the same page as you, and like you have no idea how you are always thinking the same thing? Well, it was one of those situations. I consider him the first guy I’ve ever really liked.

We started off friends, we hung out all the time. It was actually really cute, we would study together, watch baseball games, and stay up late talking for hours. Then he invited me to his frat’s date party. I wasn’t sure if it was as friends or not, but that night something happened. I spent the night there. We call it “shacking” where I’m from.

Literally woke up the next day and all the sudden I had feelings for him. It was super weird. I wasn’t sure if what had happened was a one time thing or not, but a couple days later it happened again, then again, and eventually we became a bit of a thing.

At first I wasn’t sure if I liked him or just liked the feeling of being liked. But I realized that I genuinely did really like this guy. For about a month or so we were in that weird limbo “what are we” state. I took him to my formal, and the next day I went home for winter break. I remember he walked me home after formal and barely hugged me he just said, “See ya” or something like that. I could hear it in his voice something had changed.

I was never really sure what it was that had changed, my feelings hadn’t, so it must of been his.

Over break we didn’t talk much and after that things were just kind of over.

There would be times where I’d wear his old shirt and look at old photos and do stupid things like that but I got over it pretty quickly. I still run into him at parties and stuff and every time we talk it reminds me of how I used to feel. I don’t think my feeling ever really went away honestly.

You may be thinking why in the world is this relevant and that I should be over this by now. But we started talking a little this week and it just reminded of the whole situation. Every time we talk it’s like nothing has changed, but everything has changed.

I’m clearly still not completely over it.

When Justin Bieber likes you back, do you go for it?

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Hey guys been a minute.

Incase anyone was wondering I ended up entering that contest and losing. To top it all off the guy I used to “hangout” with was my coach and I had to spend much more time with him then I cared to.

But this isn’t about that.

Okay so for the story. There is this one guy who’s been someone I’ve always loved spending time with. He’s two years above me in school, and just the coolest guy ever. I really think the world of him. He’s like the least frat frat guy I know, in a good way. I would always say I liked him the way girls like Justin Bieber, like man it’d be fun if we could hangout, but I know that’ll never be the case.

The thing is, last Thursday, he kissed me. It was super sweet and romantic and honestly I just kept thinking man this is just like the bachelor. But, now I’m super confused. I never thought this would happen, but there he was, making it happen. Imagine if Justin Bieber liked you back? You’d be pretty freaking happy right. Well, I was!

We used to talk whenever we would see each other at parties, and sometimes on campus casually. I was always cool with that and didn’t think to much of it. But the thing is now I want more. Now that I know I’ve got a shot I feel like I have to take it. I just don’t know how.

I felt bad about this for a few days. Then I remembered what Jim said in his speech to Pam at their wedding in the office. Where he talks about how for so long he just had deal with little moments with this great person, but he stuck around, because he knew it was going to be something big. This really resonated with me.

I want to ask this guy to formal but I’m not sure if it’s to soon, I mean I don’t know him that well.

Let me know if you have any advice, always love to hear it!

A beauty pageant of some kind.

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Okay so the Greek system is pretty big at my school. One of the biggest things chapters pride themselves on, is their philanthropy.

One thing that a lot of frats choose to do is hold a contest to find a sorority girl that most matches their values, and through this they raise money for charity (Don’t ask how because I do not know). They call her their, “dream girl”, “maiden”, and one frat even goes as far as to call her, “ms. greek”.

I’ve never been a spotlight person, homecoming queen, lead role in the high school play, no thank you! But this idea sounded really cool to me. There is one frat in particular where I would consider almost all the freshman, and a bunch of the upperclassmen, my friends, and their competition starts this week. They have the contestants play a bunch of games and do a talent show and stuff.

If we are being honest, this is something I would really like to do. Growing up I always had more guy friends, and I wanted to rush a frat instead of a sorority anyways. This would be a great chance to really get to know the guys, and solidify my friendships. I don’t really care about winning.

My problem is I have trouble asking for what I want, and I’m worried I’ll fail and make a fool of myself. I don’t want to let my fear stop me, but I’m worried it just might.

My other problem with this whole thing involves a guy, it always does. This particular guy was a pretty significant part of my freshman fall quarter, and bags the title of the first guy I ever really liked in college. We had a pretty fun time together, but after Thanksgiving break things kind of just ended with us, I don’t know what happened. More on that later, but this is relevant I promise. He is in the house with the competition I want to join, and I know this also shouldn’t stop me, but I feel like it complicates things.

Okay, so now I need your help. I wish I didn’t have to ask the internet to tell me what to do with my life, but it has come to this!

Do I enter the contest or not? PLZZZZ comment.

Dumb blonde, the Dolly Parton way.

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As you probably noticed, I sometimes refer to myself as a dumb blonde.

Dolly Parton is an idol of mine. She proudly calls herself a dumb blonde, but follows it by saying she isn’t anybody’s fool. She acknowledges that she sometimes acts in silly ways, but this does not define her.

I don’t by any means consider myself a dumb person. I have a lot of big career goals that would be most likely impossible if I was really that dumb. But when I say dumb blonde I’m referring to my actions in everyday life, doing things without thinking, saying things I don’t mean, acting in ways that don’t align with my values. To me doing these things is a dumb way to live your life.

My favorite way to deal with insults is to accept them.

Intro, incase anyone cares.

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Heyo,

To start things off there is a lot I will tell you, but there is one thing I will not. My name. Ya I know, this is one of those annoying anonymous blogs.

Honestly it’s okay with me if no one reads this, sometimes I just need to share. Hopefully if someone does read this though, they will find the humor in the crazy, surprising, and often times uneventful days I call life.

Stay tuned for boys, booze, and a whole lot of stupid decisions.