If you told me when I wrote my last post that after an entire summer absolutely nothing has changed, I would of thought you were crazy, but here we are.
So I lived with him all summer and somehow made no progress. It was honestly amazing and also the worst.
We did really cute things like sit and talk on the roof looking at the stars and go swimming in the lake and stay up talking way later then we should. And our feelings definitely grew a lot stronger, or at least mine did. He says his did too, but I’m realizing more and more that sometimes he just says things.
There were also a lot of fights and way to dramatic encounters. The most standout one was when he actually kissed one of my friends which just really, really, hurt. I prided myself on never having cried over a guy, until then.
We had a lot of talks about our future and he constantly blames not wanting to be serious on our age difference. I’m now a sophmore and he’s a senior. Which to any college student would seem normal, but to him it’s very weird. I disregarded and avoided the serious talks hoping he would come around and either date me or break my heart.
But summer ended, and we didn’t.
Now it’s the first week of school. Last week we talked almost everyday and came to the conclusion that we think we love each other. He literally told me he would want to marry me. Which we both agreed is super shitty given the circumstances.
At first I looked to my faults and tried to find a reason why he wouldn’t like me enough to overcome these obstacles. I thought maybe if I was prettier or cooler or in a better sorority this wouldn’t be a problem. Typing that out it sounds ridiculous, but that’s exactly what I though. But he always reassured me that it was on him and it was his issues holding him back. And I finally realized it’s true.
I think all of his excuses are just a way for him to hide his commitment issues. And so the last time we talked I told him that and he said he can’t confirm or deny that it’s true. Which I think means it’s too accurate. Hits to close to home.
So I told him to figure it out and pretty much to call me when he’s ready with a decision. That was a week ago and i’ve heard nothing. I’ve seen him at parties and we’re cordial, but we haven’t talked seriously since then. It’s hard cause I want to give him space but I also just miss him.
I go out with my friends every night and have fun but at the end of the night he’s the one I want to be with and it sucks not being able to see him. At this point I don’t know if he will every decide, but I can’t move on because the hope that it will work out always clouds my judgement.
So I guess my question is: How do I move on if he never makes a decision? I mean it’s already been like eight months.
